Why women leave men they love What every man needs to know (1 Viewer)

[|Fever| TurtleStrong]

This article is brought to us by a man named Justice Schanfarber. You can find his page and the original article, by following the link at the end of this post.

As a marriage counsellor working with men and women in relationship crisis, I help clients navigate numerous marriage counselling issues. While many situations are complex, theres one profoundly simple truth that men need to know. Its this Women leave men they love.

They feel terrible about it. It tears the heart out of them. But they do it. They rally their courage and their resources and they leave. Women leave men with whom they have children, homes and lives. Women leave for many reasons, but theres one reason in particular that haunts me, one that I want men to understand:

Women leave because their man is not present. Hes working, golfing, gaming, watching TV, fishing the list is long. These arent bad men. Theyre good men. Theyre good fathers. They support their family. Theyre nice, likeable. But they take their wife for granted. Theyre not present.

Women in my office tell me Someone could come and sweep me off my feet, right out from under my husband. Sometimes the realization scares them. Sometimes they cry.

Men Im not saying this is right or wrong. Im telling you what I see. You can get as angry or hurt or indignant as you want. Your wife is not your property. She does not owe you her soul. You earn it. Day by day, moment to moment. You earn her first and foremost with your presence, your aliveness. She needs to feel it. She wants to talk to you about what matters to her and to feel you hearing her. Not nodding politely. Not placating. Definitely not playing devils advocate.

She wants you to feel her. She doesnt want absent-minded groping or quick release sex. She wants to feel your passion. Can you feel your passion? Can you show her? Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive. Do you have it? Its the most attractive thing you possess. If youve lost it, why? Where did it go? Find out. Find it. If you never discovered it you are living on borrowed time.

If you think youre present with your wife, try listening to her. Does your mind wander? Notice. When you look at her, how deeply do you see her? Look again, look deeper. Meet her gaze and keep it for longer than usual, longer than comfortable. If she asks what youre doing, tell her. Im looking into you. I want to see you deeply. Im curious about who you are. After all these years I still want to know who you are every day. But only say it if you mean it, if you know its true.

Touch her with your full attention. Before you lay your hand on her, notice the sensation in your hand. Notice what happens the moment you make contact. What happens in your body? What do you feel? Notice the most subtle sensations and emotions. (This is sometimes called mindfulness.) Tell her about what youre noticing, moment to moment.

But youre busy. You dont have time for this. How about five minutes? Five minutes each day. Will you commit to that? Im not talking about extravagant dinners or nights out (although those are fine too). Im talking about five minutes every day to be completely present to the woman you share your life with. To be completely open hearing and seeing without judgement. Will you do that? I bet once you start, once you get a taste, you wont want to stop.

Why women leave or cheat - What every man should know

 

[|Fever| Kreps]

Sounds like men are in the wrong here. Nowadays it seems like men are the bad guys, lol.

 

[|Fever| 0yme0]

I'm sorry, but if you marry someone and you get over him when he has to work to take care of you, then you're a terrible person. Obviously there were points there basically saying "Handle the time with your women like it's the only time you'll get", but that's just stupid. It's really saying "Hey! Jump through all these difficult hoops and maybe I'll stay with you!"

Fortunately, I don't know any woman who acts like the women defined in that original post, nor is my girlfriend one of those women. But I guess I won't know for sure until I get married.

 

[|Fever| Blazemost]

Yet all the silly relationship timelines I've looked at the connection ends once you get married.

Regardless everyone has to find out what drives another person into wanting more out of the other, since everyone has different strengths in their senses. As an example you could say a strength for me is analyzing something for hours to find the most optimal use of a situation. I could come up with several examples of where I would apply it, non-work related.

 

[ScorpionWoman]

Or how about listen to her instead of giving up and walking away. Especially when she is in love with you

 

[Masao]

I enjoyed reading that. Although I got to agree [MENTION=240]Kreps[/MENTION], that it paints men as the bad guys. As if a man never has to leave a woman for not being there for him. Everyone just needs to realize that marriage is an institution. It's got many principles in accord with our nature and many in conflict. And our nature is that we are self-regenerating and self-reproducing beings. That's got far too many topics to delve into ranging from your mental, physical, and sexual health. I'll just say that people change over time. We can grow apart or even become complacent. And it's like [MENTION=4862]Blazemost[/MENTION] said; you have to find a common drive to keep yourselves growing together. Just my two cents!