Are men really not that complicated? (1 Viewer)

[|Fever| sparkis]

There is the age-old view, particularly from the male perspective, that in terms of relationships women are complicated.

There are a minefield of differences to negotiate. Situations that were previously alien to men when women say they're "fine" but it's as clear as day that they're not but you have absolutely no idea why and they won't communicate to you so you try to find out and they get more mad at you just for talking to them but it's not really that, it's more that you don't actually know why that they're angry at you when it should be SO obvious that even all her girlfriends look at you with disdain and disapproval and so you apologise hoping that this will resolve the issue then she asks "why?" and you have no idea so you start guessing which gets her even more mad and she gives you the silent treatments which is the least productive thing to do as if she had communicated what the issue was in the first place things wouldn't have blown up as much as they have and perhaps realise that what is as plain as day to every woman (and if it isn't, it IS communicated to them) isn't to men and women have a superior ability to read non-verbal cues that men on average just don't have through no real fault of their own.

For example.

Anyhow, the rather hyperbolic, stereotypical to the point of cliche example aside, as for men it's said that we're not that complicated.

Particularly for the women of the clan (though men feel free to chime in too if you wish), here are some questions I'd like for you to consider and hopefully answer:

• Do you really consider men to not be that complicated?
• Are there things that men do that you just do not understand?
• If women are complicated, does that apply also for female-to-female relationships as well? Do women get frustrated at women in a similar way to the opening example?

I look forward to your input and the discussion

 

[|Fever| slio]

No one will reply to this because no one can

 

[|Fever| sparkis]

[MENTION=71864]slio[/MENTION] I've never underestimated the capacity of people on the Internet to respond to anything

We'll see though. I'm genuinely curious to see what people think.

 

[|Fever| Bob_o]

I've been married for almost 16 years and I wouldn't touch this topic with a 10ft pole. I agree with [MENTION=71864]slio[/MENTION]

 

[|Fever| Requ1em]

I've been married for almost 16 years and I wouldn't touch this topic with a 10ft pole. I agree with [MENTION=71864]slio[/MENTION]

Like Bob, Ive been married for over 10 years and the secret is not discussing topics like this. EVER. LOL! layful:

 

[|Fever| sparkis]

The responses to this thread are already infinitely fascinating.

There have been numerous topics in the forums on sex and sexuality, pornography preferences, infidelity(!!), drug taking, discussions on mental illness, politics, religions and belief systems and THIS is the taboo topic no one is going to touch. On whether or not women view men as not that complicated.

To be fair, I'm being a little facetious. Of course there's more to it than that but it makes the responses no less fascinating.

 

[|Fever| sasabo]

i guess i will brave this one. seeing as im not really like anyways. nor could i care if others like me.....
i was married for almost 5 years, i learned throughout that time that it is both men and wemon that are complicated, the reason behind such a statement is because we each have particular ways of thinking things through. i find most men as equally complicated as females because i think differently.
for example
a female is clearly upset, so you ask what is wrong and they reply with the standard, "nothing"
now for some guys they would press the issue were other guys would drop it. the simple response of saying nothing could imply multiple things, the most common being that somehting is wrong but they wish to not talk about it. now another reasoning to saying nothing would be that they want to talk about whats bugging them but dont knwo the words, or they want the other person to force whats wrong with them out so they feel less guilty about being upset about somethign. and yet another reasoning could be that they want to see if the other person is only asking what is wrong out of politeness but couldnt really care whats wrong......
this particular topic is such a hard one to talk about considering there are multiple things that are in affect. ultimately the more you get to know a particular person, the less complicated they seem to be. wether they are male of female.

 

[|Fever| WetElectronics]

I am male and I feel completely uncomplicated. I basically don't care about anything almost all the time. If you want to know the real answer to your question, look up "Hyperreality." Not always but in the context of this conversation, men evaluate things based more on their physical state and women evaluate things based on their hyperreal meaning. On a topic like "Which dress should I wear?" A man will answer based on the one that physically looks better. A woman will take the type of event into consideration or the fact that the people there might have seen her wear that particular dress before, etc. These are factors that while true/valid are actually part of an imagined future where the feelings or opinions of other people are predetermined in her mind. She may absolutely correctly predict that Aunt Mildred will think her dress is too short for a funeral, but two hours before the funeral, at the time of the decision, the woman is making a choice based on criteria that has not yet been proven to be true. This is why people say women think about several things at once. It's not actually that women think about several things at once, it's that they account for the way multiple things interrelate. The dress is a tacky cocktail dress because of the cut or the color or the places she has previously worn it. Objects, people, places, words, gestures, whatever. The related feelings and connotations get associated with whatever it is and become part of the hyperreal event/object. This is also why a woman might accuse a man of ignoring her on purpose when he actually just didn't hear her talking or didn't hear his phone ring. The feeling of leaving a second voicemail is attached to the memory of being ignored and there is no way to decouple the two. They have become one thing. So while my dead phone battery in reality may prove my innocence, her hyperreality feels like it was the my intention and she can't undo that.

As I mentioned, hyperreality isn't just a female thing it's the basis of advertising and self identity etc. but it's really hard to explain the concept to a woman without sounding like you're insulting her and saying she lives in her lala imagination land. I wish I would have learned more about it before I broke up with my girlfriend. We still needed to break up for sure but I would have been less dismissive of her "irrational" and "complicated" feelings during our relationship had I understood that synapses were physically cross-associating ideas with other ideas inside her brain.

Yes brain scans show that most women have a more complicated life experience than most men.

 

[|Fever| TurtleStrong]

Particularly for the women of the clan (though men feel free to chime in too if you wish), here are some questions I'd like for you to consider and hopefully answer:

• Do you really consider men to not be that complicated?
• Are there things that men do that you just do not understand?
• If women are complicated, does that apply also for female-to-female relationships as well? Do women get frustrated at women in a similar way to the opening example?

It totally depends on the person. I have had female partners that were easier to read than the directions of an Ikea manual. Then I have had male people I've been friends/interested in where I'm like "Does anyone have a rosetta stone for this fucker? Anyone? Bueller? No, ok....."

Totally. I've never really understood why clothing is such an issue choice with male gendered people. It boggles my fucking mind now.... I mean, I understand it to a degree because I grew up male so there's that bit, but it still doesn't make sense. Its just a piece of cloth, who cares?

Humans are complicated. End of statement. No really.... some people are just easier to "figure out" because you can "click" with them. It's all really anecdotal.

 

[|Fever| sparkis]

I am male and I feel completely uncomplicated. I basically don't care about anything almost all the time. If you want to know the real answer to your question, look up "Hyperreality." Not always but in the context of this conversation, men evaluate things based more on their physical state and women evaluate things based on their hyperreal meaning. On a topic like "Which dress should I wear?" A man will answer based on the one that physically looks better. A woman will take the type of event into consideration or the fact that the people there might have seen her wear that particular dress before, etc. These are factors that while true/valid are actually part of an imagined future where the feelings or opinions of other people are predetermined in her mind. She may absolutely correctly predict that Aunt Mildred will think her dress is too short for a funeral, but two hours before the funeral, at the time of the decision, the woman is making a choice based on criteria that has not yet been proven to be true. This is why people say women think about several things at once. It's not actually that women think about several things at once, it's that they account for the way multiple things interrelate. The dress is a tacky cocktail dress because of the cut or the color or the places she has previously worn it. Objects, people, places, words, gestures, whatever. The related feelings and connotations get associated with whatever it is and become part of the hyperreal event/object. This is also why a woman might accuse a man of ignoring her on purpose when he actually just didn't hear her talking or didn't hear his phone ring. The feeling of leaving a second voicemail is attached to the memory of being ignored and there is no way to decouple the two. They have become one thing. So while my dead phone battery in reality may prove my innocence, her hyperreality feels like it was the my intention and she can't undo that.

As I mentioned, hyperreality isn't just a female thing it's the basis of advertising and self identity etc. but it's really hard to explain the concept to a woman without sounding like you're insulting her and saying she lives in her lala imagination land. I wish I would have learned more about it before I broke up with my girlfriend. We still needed to break up for sure but I would have been less dismissive of her "irrational" and "complicated" feelings during our relationship had I understood that synapses were physically cross-associating ideas with other ideas inside her brain.

Yes brain scans show that most women have a more complicated life experience than most men.

Thanks for the info on hyperreality. Do you have any specific info on studies done regarding this being a female phenomena as you've outlined? I've only been able to find info in the general sense and not female-specific. I understand you said it's not a female-only thing but your examples sounds specific enough that it makes me curious to see if studies were such that hyperreality did have that affect.

The closest I've seen to this is thinking an actor has the same qualities as the character they play so that you feel the same way toward the real person.